Thursday, February 26, 2009

Day 10; When It Came to an End. Or so It Seems

Day 10;

Life has it's ending. Civilisation has it's ending. Generation has it's ending. Story has it's ending. My story, I'm about to end it. Albeit forcefully but it is the best solution I could think of. I'm not going to repeat the same sentence for an eternity. It's going to get redundant if I keep doing it. Babbling about how sucks life is for me is not really my favorite thing to do. Thus, I wonder why I keep doing it on and on. I'm having some problem with a small thing called emotions. It's what keeping me insane. Yet, it keeps me sane at the same time.

The easiest way to get rid of it, or at least to fix it is by letting it out or to bury it deeper. Me, I'm having the problem to decide to do which. Either of these two, there's one that is better than the other. I just couldn't figure it out. To let it out means to accept the truth which can either be a happy truth, or a sad truth, whichever comes first. To bury it deep means to be hopeful, but nothing can be hid forever right. So what's the point of keeping it all to myself.

SO, as to make things easier, I've decided to not do anything. Yeah. That's the best solution. To forget something is my forte. Once I forgot it, I won't even be bother anymore. But to forget it doesn't mean to cast it away. If it's there, it was there for a reason. My emotion that is. So, I'll try to ignore what I feel and try to continue living and pretend that nothing has happened. Maybe when the day comes, I'll stop pretending and start living out what I wanted.

p/s anything that I've posted after 3.30 am wont be followed by mood, quote,lyric and song for the day. I'll be too damn lazy to do anything. Please take note. Thanks

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Day Nine; Dear, There's A Situation

Day Nine;

"Diskriminasi menjatuhkan aku
Reputasi kini menjadi bisu
Dan aku, ku layu

Mengharapkan sesuatu yang baru
Itulah impian aku

Dan bila kau menghilang
Musnahlah, musnah impian
Tuk menggapai bintang
Terangi hidup ku
Ku mahu kau tahu
Engkaulah, destinasiku
Dalam ingatanku... oh oh oh...

Kerana diri ini tak daya lagi
Menempuh hidup yang ku temui
Dan aku, ku tunggu... oh oh oh

Mengharapkan sesuatu yang baru
Itulah impian aku

Dan bila kau menghilang
Musnahlah, musnah impian
Tuk menggapai bintang
Terangi hidup ku
Ku mahu kau tahu
Engkaulah, destinasiku
Dalam ingatanku... oh oh oh... "

Bunkface - Situasi
(Words and Songs by Bunkface)

First thing that comes to mind when I'm listening this song, great tunes, but the lyrics, uhh, sounds like someone who's heartbroken. Like seriously, he clearly stated that
"and when you're gone, the dreams to reach for the stars that shines my life are destroyed, I want you to know that you're my destination in my mind"
I guess some lines are better sung in Malay than English. I do agree with what it stated though. When what we seek is already gone, don't u think our dreams, our wish would literally gone with it? So, it's better if we try to achieve what we want or die trying. When we wish for something, there's a reason for it. There's a situation that built up along the course of our life that would lead us to be wanting something. Or someone.

It's funny how life works. We thought things would be alright at one point and then, bam, something came straight towards you and many problems would start to rise. I hate it when that happen. Some problems do have a solution and some don't. And even when there's a solution to it, that doesn't mean it can be solved. To know something and to do it is two different things. At the end of the day, it's about making a choice. I'm not good at it. I never was, am or will be good at it. Why do they even call it dilemma, pfft.

No mood, quote or lyrics for today. I'm sleepy, that's all you need to know.
And dear, there's no situation, just go sleep already.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Day Five; The Partially Inspired World

Day Five;

120 hours. I'm doing fine. Overslept. But what the hell. Let me start off with a verse from Bee Gees' How Deep is Your Love, "cause we're living in a world of fools, breaking us down, when they all should let us be, we belong to you and me". Study these words, I would say. These verses serve as my motto for today. This world we live in, it's not perfect, not even close to it but that's all we have. We can love it, hate it, despise it, celebrate it, not that it really matters. Today, I've realized the fact that how cruel this world can be. Not that anything happened to me or anything but I've seen some footage recorded during wartime, be it during the war in the past or the war that is currently taking place. Death, despair, sadness, misery, cruel are some of the countless words that cant even begin to describe the horror that is war. Why do people have to kill each other just for their own interest. There's a much better solution I think. Who am I to comment on such thing but I have to say it somewhere. And I don't think it's just me, each individual who's normal would describe war as nothing but a malignant act of fools. There's a recorded footage of someone getting shot in the head, execution style. When we saw it in a fictional work, it would be utmost awesome and cool just looking at it. But seeing a real human being, who once was alive, walking, talking, breathing for one moment an then was shot which was follow up by him lying on the floor. Breathless. Motionless. Lifeless. That is something that is hard to be accepted but that's the truth.

Staying at home, doing nothing, I would have never expect that it'll be such a fruitful day for me mentally and emotionally. I feel like I've transcend to an upper level of consciousness. Not that I'm saying that I've changed to someone better or anything but I can see clearly now how the thinly crafted line that divides the world we live in can be confused by us, human being. For once, I can say that it's not a surprising matter that one may feel like ignoring the norm to accomplish their purpose. Or what they thought was their purpose. Killing people, for example is an act of choice. We can choose to kill or to let people live. Clouded by their own mind games, human tend to overlook the the limits they shouldn't cross just to gain their own profits. How ignorant we can be. I'm just a bystander in other's decision. Not that I can intervene or anything but if there's a role I could play in making this world a better place, I would have do so since long ago. And I won't stop looking for it as trying to change the world is not something not to look forward to.

Current mood;
- Anger
- Empathic
- Inspired
- Transcended
- Metaphorical
- Philosophical
- I still miss you

Amidst all these talk about changing the world, it's often said that changing oneself is the first step to change the world. But what if I don't want to change. Would that really a big problem. It can't be denied that for quite some time now, I've been trying to change myself. Looking back at all these things that I've done, I don't really feel the urged to change. Can't I make myself better without changing it. To change oneself is to be someone else. That's why, maybe I'll be someone better but I won't deny what I am and most importantly, what I was. That's why I'm keeping you here. So, from today onwards, I'll move on towards a better day but without leaving anything from the past. You'll be here always in my mind. There won't be a day where my mind is left vacant. I promise that. All the events that have occurred serve as an inspiration for me to keep on living my life without any doubts or worries. Maybe that's what the world need. A thing to inspired itself to keep on going. Going where, let us all decide. What's important is that we leave something to inspire those in the future.

Some random quotes and lyrics for the day;

"It's the same old theme since nineteen-sixteen. In your head, in your head they're still fighting, With their tanks and their bombs, And their bombs and their guns. In your head, in your head, they are dying... " Dolores O'Riordan; The Cranberries; No Need to Argue; Zombie; 1994
The Cranberries - Zombie

"Pick and throw this stone, could it crack the tanks? Could it heal my pain? Could it built back my home? Wish it stops bombing and miss, maltreat the stampede as me I’m tired of flouncing" Lutfi; Interfly; Where's My Damselfly; Plaster (Palestine); 2007
Interfly - Plaster

and as an ode to Mr. Lennon who voices out his opinion;

"Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one"
John Lennon; Imagine; Imagine; 1971
John Lennon - Imagine

"A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality. "
John Lennon

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace."
Jimi Hendrix

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Day Two; The Gathering

Day Two;

48 hours have passed. What do I feel now? Literally broken and almost in the verge of falling. It may sounds serious, but I do feel that quite often these days. "Where is she? What is she doing? How is she? Did she smile today? Did she fall today?", these questions and many more occupied my mind more often these days, too often perhaps. More than it did before. I often muttered the same question before but not until it haunts me. Right to the point where I can't get my mind off it. Sucks isn't it. I have to live with that very problem. At least until i can finally get over it or found a solution to those problems. Which might take a long time

Current mood;
- Tired
- Exhausted
- Down
- Happy a bit
- Fulfilled
- Lost
- a bit relieved

Mix of emotions; yeap. That's the best word for my list of moods today. I went out with my friends. Well, I go out with them almost every freaking day but today, it was quite different. For once, it was a bigger crowd. How I miss them. Where we went to, it's not that important. What we do, pretty much useless either. But all and all, I'm grateful though. Even if it's only momentarily, I was able to swerve my attention away from my thoughts, my doubts, my source of confusion. So, to sum it all up, the gathering of emotions, the gathering of people, all that occured today, really do affect what I feel. But all that I did today won't really affect what I do tomorrow

Some random quotes and lyrics for the day;

"Taking your advice I'm looking on the bright side and balancing the whole thing.
But often times those words get tangled up in lines and the bright lights turn to night,
until the dawn it brings another day to sing about the magic that was you and
Jason Mraz; Waiting For My Rocket to Come; You and I Both; 2002
Jason Mraz - You and I Both

"Didn't understand what to see
Yeah, then I got a different view
Julian Casablancas; The Strokes; Room On Fire; Automatic Stop; 2003
The Strokes - Automatic Stop

"I wish to see the truth shines brightly in your eyes,
it's even for you, even for me, just try to understand"
Myo; Oh Chentaku; Heartbrake Ridge Was Never This Arrogant; Polaroid; 2008
Oh Chentaku - Polaroid

"The heart unites whatever the mind separates, pushes on beyond the arena of necessity and transmutes the struggle into love."
Nikos Kazantzakis

"The more I try to wake myself up, the more I'm losing myself. Maybe if I dont force it (waking up), I really do lose everything that's important to me."
Myself; just now; talking to Zul

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Day One; The Confinement

Day One;

It has been roughly 24 hours since I last contacted her. Nothing seems to happen. Prettt...y strange I wonder. Maybe I've gotten used to it. Maybe some part of me do want to move on. Maybe some part of me don't. I'm not sure myself.

Current mood;
- :X
- but a bit relieved

The negative emotions that surrounded me might be due to the fact that somewhere deep down inside my heart, it still there. Maybe I really do love her. So, I feel like moving on, letting go of the past. The more I wander in the same ground, the more i'm likely to remain there. So, from today onwards, I'll move. Maybe it's not too late for me to do that. And if the future were to bring me back to the point where I can rejoice myself with her again, I'll be waiting for it.

Some random quotes and lyrics for the day

"You float like a feather, In a beautiful world,
I wish I was special, You're so fuckin' special;"
Thom Yorke; Radiohead; Pablo Honey; Creep; 1994
Radiohead - Creep

"Whimpers someone I should've loved; souls weeping above
I've seen what you're doing to me; destroying puppet strings to our souls
Matthew Bellamy; Muse; Origin Of Symmetry; Micro Cuts; 2001
Muse - Micro Cuts

Your foundation is canyoning, Fault lines should be worn with pride
I hate to say it but you're so much more"
Brandon Boyd; Incubus; A Crow Left of the Murder; Talk Shows on Mute; 2004
Incubus - Talk Shows on Mute

"Madness, as you know, is like gravity…all it takes is a little push!"
The Joker (Heath Ledger); The Dark Knight; 2008

"When I let her go, it felt like life itself was slipping through me fingers." John Constantine; Hellblazer; The End of Rake at the Gate of Hell; Garth Ennis

Introduction; The Prologue

2009. It has already begun. A new person, I'll be. I don't know what I want or what I'll be wanting but I'm trying to look forward for it. So, I'm going to rant about my daily life and misadventures in this writing pad.

Yada,yada for about 10 minutes, I know you'll be bored reading all this shit well, yeah, so am I.

That's all about my introduction. I messed things up pretty big, that's why I'm not a big fan of introductory.